Thank you Gayle, for your post. I was moved to read your words as if they were mine. You can relate to my situation in many ways, as others express as well on this board. I'm very pleased with your comments because they give me practical advice qnd none of them have be destructive or bitter. The first step I took was when I visited with my children in my homecountry. I sat them all together and told them they don´t have to proof anything to the brothers, and go ahead concentrating on their studies and be happy, spiritual if they want to in their way. My husband 'ordered' them all to attend with us one meeting during that vacation, and they did show up, on time, and groomed although still a bit wordly looking. I met with all the brothers of my youth and asked the elders not to push my children when they fel like going sometimes...on a sunday or so...because they stopped going now and then, because the elders would bug them. The elders said: I'm watching over your children because they are yours and you are far away, so we take care for you....I told them, begging, please let them free when they show up. They promised and right after the meeting there was one...counseling my daughter who is in medical school....that she should not let the study kill her spirituality. Yet, my beautiful children put up with that and joked about later on.....maybe you are all right and my family is just waiting for me to come forward......you all give me a lot of strenght.
not sure yet
JoinedPosts by not sure yet
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ANOTHER GILEAD STUDENT
by not sure yet ini've been reading this forum a for some time now.
since i find myself on a crossroad i decided to start participating.
i was at gilead in 1980 and remember standing in de elevator alone with ray franz, how just gave us a lecture.
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72
ANOTHER GILEAD STUDENT
by not sure yet ini've been reading this forum a for some time now.
since i find myself on a crossroad i decided to start participating.
i was at gilead in 1980 and remember standing in de elevator alone with ray franz, how just gave us a lecture.
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not sure yet
Thank you for your comments. You, here on the board, are the very first persons I can openly talk to about my doubts. And I guess many of us wouldn't have needed to come here íf we had a listening ear within the organisation. Oracle, in your biography it states you are an elder, do people approach you freely with there doubts?
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72
ANOTHER GILEAD STUDENT
by not sure yet ini've been reading this forum a for some time now.
since i find myself on a crossroad i decided to start participating.
i was at gilead in 1980 and remember standing in de elevator alone with ray franz, how just gave us a lecture.
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not sure yet
Quietlyleaving, you said: But I'm afraid we are no longer looked upon as dignified and honourable members of the congregation and many are very sad about this.
Yes I'm feel those looks eversince I left missionaryservice, really. I spend all those following years trying to work my way back into that 'elite' sort of circle of brothers in very good standing (?), and started to catch the crumbs that fall from their social/spiritual-table. Definitely I want to avoid being ousted, but I am fading already since I've stopped putting hours in (on paper) some years ago, but we keep going to meetings, sometimes. Recently I asked the elder (very close friend) if he could let me just be......in the congregation.....on those terms, without sherperding all the time, since that chases me away. He said: 'thats your conscience but my task is to get you going again'. They make me choose between: all or nothing. I was thinking that If he (the friend elder) and his lovely family wouldn't be in the group, I could fade just a lot easier. It has always been that fear of men thing for me....at the end.
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72
ANOTHER GILEAD STUDENT
by not sure yet ini've been reading this forum a for some time now.
since i find myself on a crossroad i decided to start participating.
i was at gilead in 1980 and remember standing in de elevator alone with ray franz, how just gave us a lecture.
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not sure yet
Awake and watching, you said: 'The magic from their childhood had more to do with YOU being their mother than them being associated with the congregation. Trust that magic closeness that only you can have with your babies'.
I want to believe that, thank you.
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72
ANOTHER GILEAD STUDENT
by not sure yet ini've been reading this forum a for some time now.
since i find myself on a crossroad i decided to start participating.
i was at gilead in 1980 and remember standing in de elevator alone with ray franz, how just gave us a lecture.
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not sure yet
So, is there an honorable, possitive way out, ..........?
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72
ANOTHER GILEAD STUDENT
by not sure yet ini've been reading this forum a for some time now.
since i find myself on a crossroad i decided to start participating.
i was at gilead in 1980 and remember standing in de elevator alone with ray franz, how just gave us a lecture.
-
-
not sure yet
So, is there an honorable, possitive way out, ..........?
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72
ANOTHER GILEAD STUDENT
by not sure yet ini've been reading this forum a for some time now.
since i find myself on a crossroad i decided to start participating.
i was at gilead in 1980 and remember standing in de elevator alone with ray franz, how just gave us a lecture.
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not sure yet
That is a good question, quietlyleaving, and maybe it is true that this matter is really my struggle only.
My son was recently for an healthcare internship in Ghana and entered a kingdom hall, first time in years (apart from memorial). The brothers were só kind and invited him afterwards for dinner at their home, they gave him loads of fresh fruits to take with him to his room and toured him through town. In the hall one very small child looked up to him and asked: are you Jesus? Because of my son's appearance....they all laughed and were completely relaxed about everything. I was só grateful to those persons because I was worried about his security in Africa. Maybe such brushes of occasional contact would be the perfect way to stay in....but I know that a permanent member has no such a 'break'. I did notice that my son loved to tell me about it more than for himself. When he explained that he is not attending in his country etc...maybe to exlain his looks, they laughed it away, ?don't tell us it's ok, it's good you are here now that's enough...' Would't that be marvelous if that was the standard welcome for inborn/unbaptized/inactive visitors..?
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72
ANOTHER GILEAD STUDENT
by not sure yet ini've been reading this forum a for some time now.
since i find myself on a crossroad i decided to start participating.
i was at gilead in 1980 and remember standing in de elevator alone with ray franz, how just gave us a lecture.
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not sure yet
Thanks Yknot, for your links. I do have faith in my childrens intelligence to consider these topics, but once they lose the good memory of the religion they were brought up in, there's no way to get that innocent feeling back. My children are not baptized, they are universitystudents and carry the religion along with them as a soothing memory of the past, and only as something possitive. They thinks it is too hard to be a good witness but for the rest they don't critisize it. They are respectful because they honor their mother. If I start fading...how can I explain that without taking that magic away from them? Cherishing a childhood memory has no component of intelligence...it is an emotional buildingblock, part of the emotional intelligence. I don't want to mess with that and say: he kids, I don't believe it anymore. My husband knows how organization works and see through all the administrative rules and regulations....bút he has that same attachment to the essence of the religion: paradise, resurreccion etc.....and doesnot let himself get pushed by anyone...he has a jezuite boardingschoolstudent- childhood-life behind him and knows how religion works. I would say that he is constantly a critical thinker. Through the truth we met and somehow it would shake those foundations also.
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72
ANOTHER GILEAD STUDENT
by not sure yet ini've been reading this forum a for some time now.
since i find myself on a crossroad i decided to start participating.
i was at gilead in 1980 and remember standing in de elevator alone with ray franz, how just gave us a lecture.
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-
not sure yet
Yes Randy, I have read your story. Well, it means we must have crossed paths sometime in those months. Is there a private messagebox where I can write you some details?
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72
ANOTHER GILEAD STUDENT
by not sure yet ini've been reading this forum a for some time now.
since i find myself on a crossroad i decided to start participating.
i was at gilead in 1980 and remember standing in de elevator alone with ray franz, how just gave us a lecture.
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-
not sure yet
When I stepped down as a missionary, but still in good standing, I let a lot of people down. That was when they could see I doubted the rule of only marrying in the lord, although i did finally obey that rule. I knew for sure they considered me weak at least, because of how they related to me after that. For them (those bystanders) though, it is very painful to see a person who one has admired, take difficult decisions that downsizes that image. Eversince I tried to proof them (in my subconscience) that my non-missionary life is worthwhile and perfect all the time. It's like the brothers (people) are watching over my shoulders all the time, instead of Jehovah himself of whom I don´t feel afraid or negatively intimidated in any manner.
That strange fear of men (insiders social control) put a tremendeous pressure on myself and ofcourse through me on my children and husband....who have nothing whatsoever to do with my former life-decisions, nor do they deserve to have to make me look good in the eyes of the brothers. But they do anyway, you see, because they love me and they understand the complexity of it all. Because they are connected somehow to the truth, I cannot discuss doubts with them, nor did I ever discuss doubts with the elders, because I know their answers.